Hey there! My name is Emelda and I want to talk about friendships, acquaintanceships and other platonic (non-romantic) relationships. In this article, I would give you a guide on how to view such relationships and answer the question that I have wondered a few times myself: Is he/she really my friend?
The general term for all platonic relationships is ‘friendship’. However, I believe that term is too often misused, and we end up calling everyone ‘friend’. In Proverbs 18:24, the Bible says, “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”.
According to Wikipedia, a friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two people. It is a much stronger interpersonal bond than a mere association, meaning you are not automatically friends with someone just because you have met them a couple of times or are friends with their friends. The use of the word ‘mutual’ in the definition shows how important it is that our friendships are built on love from both ends. In our case, as believers, not just any love but God’s love as described all through the Bible but summarized in 1 Corinthians 13.
A friend always loves (Proverbs 17:17). Through the Bible, we see tales of great friendships and of love. A great example of what friendship should look like would be the famous story of David and Jonathan. How Jonathan, the son of Saul, befriended David, the shepherd boy who killed Goliath, and loved him so much and was so loyal to him, defying his father to save the life of his friend even though this friend was his competition or rival for the throne.
It is so important that you befriend people with like minds and principles. Loving everyone as God loves us is a given (John 15:12-13). However, being friends with everyone is not. It is so much easier to be pulled down than to pull up. You must realize that it is not your job to convert anyone, you simply plant the seeds as the Holy Spirit guides. It is the Holy Spirit who changes people. So thoughts like, “I can change her/him so it’s fine, we can be friends” are lies. You can love the person, but he/she may not be your Jonathan if your principles are different. Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33).
It is not always about whether you see eye-to-eye on religion or principles. If you notice that you cannot be yourself around your “friend” and you change the way you act around them, then you need to ask yourself some questions to get to the real problem. This problem usually stems from an inferiority complex or being an accommodating friend with a manipulative friend. If you are in this situation, I just want you to know that God made you UNIQUE and BEAUTIFUL. There is something especially beautiful and distinct about you that no one else can offer so let go of that friendship or make it clear that you will no longer be ‘fronting’. There are people who would love and benefit from the parts of you that you feel you need to change to fit in.
As a teen, you are either fast approaching your independent years or you are already there. Independent years where your parents or those who care for you will not be there and you will have to take some important decisions by yourself. It may be that you feel the decision is too personal or complicated to involve your parents, caregivers or leaders. You may feel they will not understand or relate. You may even feel the decision is too trivial and basic. What do we do then? We turn to our friends for advice. The Bible says clearly in Proverbs 27:17,” Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend”. It will turn out disastrous if you have all the wrong friends then. By choosing the right friends, we reduce the chances of negative influence and increase the quality of counsel, time and love we get from our friends. Thanks for reading!
