Peter once had a very wonderful and intimate relationship with God. Prayer, for him, was a daily ritual, and worship his habitude. His life wasn’t a bed of roses but was clearly a pool of God’s favour and grace.
At school, Peter makes a mistake – one that he himself had preached against to other people. He feels terrible, isolated, downcast, dejected, and suicidal even. The thought that ‘God hates me’ is constantly on his mind. It rings, reverberates, and constantly plays on repeat. ‘He probably doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve done the one thing he hates and because of that, He’s probably disgusted.’
Due to these thoughts and convictions as well as regular feelings of guilt, Peter drifts further and further away from God. Things of The Word no longer hold priority in his life. Praise which was once his medication has become neglect and worship a discord. He has fallen prey to the Things of this World often suffering from addictions and fixations.
Pornography has now become Peter’s order of the day with masturbation forming a heavy black cloud over his life, often raining and pouring laboriously. Due to broken relationships and dreams, depression has tip-toed into his very existence, stealing every positive feeling and happiness he still holds on to.
Every night he goes to bed weeping and crying. Peter tries listening to gospel songs but still finds no closure in his search for resonating peace. His life was going to, sorry to say, hell. Peter’s spirit is no longer in sync with the Spirit of the Supreme, God.
He feels like….wait….What is that voice he hears? Maybe he imagined it. He feels….wait….the voice is there again. It’s tiny but it’s there. ‘Come back to me it says’. Will God really come so far to speak to me again after so long of being away from me?’ Peter thinks. Now as though someone was speaking next to him, Peter hears the voice clearly:
‘Return to me, my son! Return to me. I know what you’re going through and I can give you peace. I have not left you. I have not forsaken you. I can give you peace that the world can’t. Eternal peace. Return to me!’
Tears gush down Peter’s face.
‘Who am I that the highest King will welcome me?’ he whispered to himself. Peter was talking out loud now like he was speaking to a physical person.
‘The mess that I am is still pure gold in your eyes, Lord. Just as you find me. Use me, Lord. Create in me a new person. I hereby renew my covenant with you. I can’t do it on my own so I place my burdens and weaknesses on you. I love you. I love you Jesus.’
The fact that you have a good relationship with Christ and you fault doesn’t mean that you’re no longer worthy. You’ll indeed feel guilty and in the wrong but that feeling should only be temporary. Jesus doesn’t care about the mistakes you’ll make. He knows you’ll make some. What matters is your ability to accept grace and His forgiveness. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus!
Those feelings of fault and feeling culpable are all lies thrown at you by the Devil to make you turn your back on God’s love. Never do that! Once you step away from his presence, you’re like a soldier behind enemy lines.
Always remember: Jesus loves you no matter what!
